A Personal Story of a Daughter’s Love
by Rose Mecca
I feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to be a Caregiver for my mom, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She lived with us for almost 8 years. But I would have NEVER been able to do so without a caring, loving husband who was more of a son than a son-in-law to mom. Generous siblings greatly aided us in her care by allowing down time by taking mom out for dinners.
If a person is alone in this process called Care giving, the days seem never-ending. I can’t imagine the trials and tribulations of the adventure without help.
When mom first came to live with us, she had not been diagnosed with her illness. Within 3 months, the unimaginable became reality. My husband and I accepted the facts as they were and began making changes in our schedules and that of our mother.
I think one of the biggest mistakes in the beginning months was not asking for more help from family members and not expressing our frustrations and anxieties dealing with mom. When we asked for help and were more open, the help was there. The Alzheimer’s Association was also great in making us aware of the resources available to us.
Mom was still volunteering at our local hospital in the beginning, but over time became more and more difficult for her. She could not remember the directions even with visual aids. She could no longer follow simple directions at volunteering and had to be monitored constantly. We suggested that she discontinue her volunteering and she agreed. She was aware of her memory problems and it was so sad to see. They loved her at the hospital and to this day tell us how much they miss her smiling face.
This move robbed her freedom while putting more responsibility on us to provide continual activity for her. She has always had lots of energy but now it was in overdrive. My husband devised activities for her such as, stringing beads, making 100 piece puzzles or sweeping the sidewalk around our house. We simply could not find enough to keep her busy. We were the ones getting exhausted while she never seemed to tire. She then started to ‘shadow’ us so that when one of us left her vision, she wanted to know where we were.
After 8 years, placement in a nursing home became necessary. I cried and still cry when I think of that day when we placed her in her new ‘home’. I know in my head it was right, but my heart cannot accept that fact.
For anyone in this situation, I would suggest communicating immediately with other family members and taking full advantage of help available for Caregivers. The Alzheimer’s Association is a wonderful and helpful agency. Don’t attempt to do it alone and never let your own health suffer while Care giving.
Looking back, I never regret those years with mom. Life is more peaceful now for us and for mom. We do not worry about her. She is still loved and believes that she is a volunteer in her new home and we all visit her very often.
Granddaughter speaks on Alzheimer’s
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