David Sherman’s Ghost Rider Bike

David Sherman was riding his bike around 5:45pm on October 24, 2009 and was struck by a vehicle. Now a white memorial ghost bike stands in the place  where his life was unnecessarily taken. David Sherman’s bike looked similar to the other memorial bikes below.

I believe the woman who drove off after hitting Mr. Sherman has not served one day in prison.

She had previous convictions and basically did not have the right to be driving in the first place.

My heart breaks for the family. I can’t even imagine the hurt, sadness and anger over this injustice.

An avid biker was killed enjoying an activity that probably brought him great joy.

Instead of roadside memorials, those killed on bicycles will be honored by a white memorial bike. These somber memorials began in St Louis Missouri, 2003 and are now in over 100 locations around the world.

Ghost Bikes is the official site where there are instructions how to create a memorial bike.

Peace Love and Hugs

Diana

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Funeral or Memorial Service for a Baby

If this subject doesn’t affect you, you are blessed. If a friend or family member looses a baby and you are aware of supportive resources, you may be their angel when most needed. No one ever dreams of loosing a baby, however, 1 out of 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and 26,000 stillbirths occur in the USA every year.

If the parents have not named the baby, you may want to suggest thinking about this. Even if the loss was an early miscarriage, naming the baby will give them an identity and validation.

What do I do to help a friend who has lost a baby regarding the funeral or memorial service?

If you have not lost a child yourself, it may be very difficult to find the words to comfort them. There is a list found here to help  support your friend. Another list is available regarding, what not to say to bereaved parents.

Some funeral homes offer free memorial service for stillborn babies and give discounts for a funeral. Help them by making these necessary phones calls.

When the parents of the deceased baby have decided to have a funeral or memorial service, they may need additional help from you with the logistics. It is important to involve both parents as much as possible in the decision making. Even though this is a very sad time, this event will be remembered for a lifetime.

Areas of the funeral:

• Notifying people of the service
• Location
• Music
• Readings, Poems or Stories
• If a priest or pastor will be present
• Does the baby need to be baptised
• Cremation or Burial (small caskets for later miscarried babies are available at Heaven’s Gain)
• Burial Clothes
• Container or urn for ashes
• Headstone or marker
• Obituary in paper
• Would the family like flowers or encourage donations
• Helping to assemble the altar with keepsakes and other memorabilia
• Contacting Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep if  parents want professional pictures of the funeral and baby after declining at the hospital
• Choosing an outfit for the baby
• Donating organs

Remember that the scents of the season, colors, music on the radio, the landscape, the ambiance of the month will all attribute to the memories etched into the minds of the  parents, later triggering thoughts of  their baby.

Usually about the time of the service or funeral (2-5 days after the baby’s death) the mother’s milk will come in if she was further along in the pregnancy. The milk can be donated to save another child’s life. The program is The Breast Milk Project.

Wedding gowns can be donated to the Mary Madeline Project or Heavenly Angels in Need  to make burial gowns for babies that have died. Sewers are also in great need.

Some of the smallest burial gowns were made for 18-22 week old babies.

Here is the Triad, Busy Bee Crafters, a non-profit, volunteer their time sewing, knitting and crocheting. This group, led by Sandra Vernon and has been in place for over 20 years. Some of the garments created are: bereavement pocket or bereavement dress and blanket, and prayer shawls in pastel colors. 

These are some of the logistics family and friends can help organize for the bereaved parents of pregnancy loss or infant death. Having this knowledge could someday be the gift providing a grieving family direction and assistance in a time of devastating grief.

Please feel free to leave additional suggestions and comments.

Peace Love and Hugs

Diana

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Victory Junction Honors Adam Petty

It is very painful to lose a child and unfortunately many parents know of this grief. Patti and Kyle Petty took their grief from loosing their son Adam and directed it towards building Adam’s dream, Victory Junction. This energy was the passion and focus of erecting a facility for children with chronic medical or serious illnesses. After participating in a charity motorcycle ride benefitting Camp Boggy Creek for seriously ill children, Adam was inspired to build a similar facility in North Carolina.

Not every parent who looses a child can honor a son or daughter as the Petty family did, but every parent has the ability to create a unique tribute honoring a life cut short.

Victory Junction not only honors Adam, but other children like Jesse. A good friend of Adam’s sister passed and another facility was erected in her memory, Jesse’s Horsepower Garage.

Victory Junction is a beautiful camp with many amenities for the children and the volunteers.

One would never know the camp caters to chronic and terminally ill children because of the diverse amenities.

The treehouse is like no other.

The children can fish off of the pier with the motto, “Catch, Kiss and Release.”

There are numerous buildings, all containing a different activity for the children to enjoy.

When you see a weeping cherry tree (above), Adam has met another child who was able to experience Victory Junction before passing. Since 2004, 12,000 children played in the park and 12 campers are now playing with Adam.

The spiritual center is serene, peaceful and non-denominational.

Many parents will return as volunteers and visit the center to reflect upon the memories of their children.

This is a wonderful tribute for a son so loved.

View video of Adam and Victory Junction

Start the volunteering process now

They have a wish list

Host an event as a fundraiser for Victory Junction

If you sew, click here

Victory Junction, 4500 Adam’s Way, Randleman, NC 27317

Thank you for the tour Erin and thank you Petty Family.

Peace Love and Hugs

Diana

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Pregnancy & Infant Loss Photography

No child will say they want to take pictures of deceased babies when they grow up. Tammy Councilman, a native of Greensboro, NC is providing this service. She decided to do so after a simultaneous pregnancy with a friend whose baby did not live.

Because Tammy had not suffered an infant death herself, she searched the internet looking for baby loss support and found Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. The non-profit offers professional portraiture for bereaved parents of babies born at 25 weeks gestation and greater, stillbirths, terminally ill babies on life support, Sudden Infant Death and can also be prearranged for Tammy or another volunteer to be present in the operating room if the baby’s diagnosis is not positive. Volunteers can come and take pictures during the first 24 hours or later, if the baby is preserved and conditions permit. This service is available even if the parents change their mind about having photographs taken. If this is the case and the funeral home allows, volunteers may photograph the memorial or funeral service at the parents request.

Tammy Councilman has been practicing professional photography for 14 years and volunteering for Now I Lay M Down to Sleep  fulfills a community need while honoring a friend’s deceased baby. Tammy was approved by the organization in September 2006 and had her first call from the hospital June 2007, with assistance. In this case, a baby was going to be taken off life support in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

“These are the only images you will have of your child and they will provide comfort by having something tangible. We say very little in the room and strive to take the best pictures of your babies in a sensitive manner,” comments Tammy.

A brochure is presented by the hospital to the parents regarding services from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. A signed consent form is needed for the photographer and they will be happy to read for you. A special outfit may be suggested, each family member may have photographs taken, you may change your baby, give them a bath, or just kiss them. If you have out-of-town family, you can ask the hospital to keep your baby until they arrive.  It may take up to 4 weeks to receive a CD of high resolution images and musical DVD slideshow from the session. 2-8×10 portraits will be provided immediately for the baby’s memorial service or funeral.

It is not uncommon for family and friends to make donations to Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep in the baby’s memory.

Tammy Councilman has 3 children ranging from 17 months to 13 years old, a supportive husband and 2 animals, one from an animal rescue. Her hobbies are photography, modern ballet and she is active with the Guilford Interfaith Hospitality Network at, St Paul The Apostle Catholic Church.

This national organization was co-founded by the mother of Maddux, Cheryl Haggard, who lost her son in February 2005. They are always looking for new volunteers for photography, assistance and retouching. Please visit their site for additional information.

Thank you for helping the bereaved parents of our community.

Peace Love and Hugs

Diana

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Helleborus Memory Garden Plant

Helleborus orientalis or Lenten Rose makes the perfect memory garden plant for Zone 7. Lenten Rose is evergreen and blooms in the winter when the landscape offers little color. The bloom time begins in January and ends in April.

The foliage is coarse and looks beautiful combined with other shading loving plants of fine texture like; Autumn Ferns, Astilbe, or Bleeding Hearts.

If a loved one passed in the winter months the Lenten Rose would be an appropriate sympathy gift. This small plant reaching only 18 inches is ideal for small gardens, pots or townhouse patios. Helleborus can be easily transplanted if one moves to another residence.

As you see in the memory garden below, the Helleborus are blooming the same time as the tulips, in March. It is quite a spectacular display when the Helleborus, winter pansies, tulips, and daffodils are in peak bloom time. Just a gorgeous display of white flowers.

The Lenten Rose flower is quite unique when pressed. In the memorial below, Helleborus flowers were pressed between wax paper and then adhered to card stock with other flowers and the deceased child’s name.

The Lenten Rose is truly a beautiful plant and is not difficult to grow. I would never suggest a finicky plant as one suitable for a memory garden plant. Helleborus should be kept out of direct afternoon sun or the south-east side of a home and given plenty of water the first year. When this plant is established, only periodic watering during a drought is needed. The Lenten Rose would benefit from a 3 inch layer of mulch to retain moisture.

There are also other varieties offering different ornamental value. Please contact me for additional information.

Peace Love and Hugs

Diana

Just a Cloud Away, Inc.™ Journal

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White Flower Gardens for Angels

The color white feels so right when designing a garden for a baby angel. Whether your baby passed early in pregnancy or as an infant, a garden of beauty can be created to honor little angels gone too soon.

 When I see white flowers I think pure, sweet, angelic, innocent and uncomplicated. The color white is prevalent in life changing events and bridges the past to the future.  People who have endured near death experiences claim to be surrounded by warm, white lights.

We wear white to weddings, to christen our babies and white shirts are worn to funerals by many. White has a true respect and dignity by various cultures.  White flowers not only have meaningful properties, they are the only color that is highly visible at dusk and in the moonlight.  The moonlit or white garden has a classic beauty that transcends time. If your baby passed before their gender was determined, white would be suitable for both. Maybe the early evening hours are significant and reminiscent of your angel. It could have been the time you told your family you were pregnant, when your baby was the most active, or the time you said nighty night to your sweet child.  Whether or not the time of day has relevance, a moonlit garden is more likely to be enjoyed because of work schedules. If you have an existing garden for your angel, I highly recommend adding some white blooms within. 

White flowers display incredible contrast with the dark, lustrous green foliage of certain plants.  This contrast automatically attracts your eyes while brightening a dark space.  Here are some plants that offer this contrast in a shady location; gardenia, otto luyken laurel, hills of snow hydrangea, immortality iris, and winters cupid camellia. Some suggestions for full sun areas are; annual periwinkle, swamp hibiscus, daisy and Diana rose of sharon.

Not all flower blooms are the same in shape and you may want to explore the different forms that could be significant to you and your baby. The white bleeding heart perennial has heart-shaped blooms that line the stem and the white balloon flower looks as if it could fly into the clouds. There are several white blooms shaped like snowballs; yoshino cherry tree, album rhododendron, hills of snow hydrangea, and snowball viburnum. There are several flower blooms that are bell-shaped which will add a very unique element to the garden. Some of the plant varieties are; pieris, lily of the valley, enkianthus, rabbiteye blueberry, and japanese snowbell tree. A few flowers are shaped like small bottle brushes including; otto luyken laurel, itea and monroe’s white liriope. Other plants have a fringe-type flower with strap-like petals like the fringe tree, white chinese loropetalum and cleome.

White flowers not only add beauty but also sweet fragrance. This could be one of your favorite scents to breathe in while reflecting upon your child. Some highly intoxicating flowers for sunny areas are; daffodils, crinium, garden phlox, dianthus, oriental lily, hyacinth, peony, sweetbay magnolia, sweet alyssum, petunia, gingerlily and snowball viburnum. Some shade-loving plants are; himalayan sweet box, itea, winter daphne, hollyleaf osmanthus, camellias, and fortune osmanthus.

You can also include the sense of audio in your baby’s garden. Blown by a gentle breeze, the sound of grass can be very soothing. Ornamental grasses add a fine and delicate texture to the garden and wonderful contrast beside course textured plants. The white, feathery plumes usually stand a bit higher than the strap-like foliage and can be seen from a distance. Grasses are usually drought tolerant, grow in full sun and very easy to maintain. Some good choices are; pampas grass, quaking grass, switch grass and maiden grass.

If you have a structure like a fence, vine pole or pergola, you may want to select a vine- like plant to cascade or climb along it. There are several plants to choose from, including; climbing iceberg or sally holmes rose, climbing hydrangea, silver lace vine, armand clematis, alba plena lady bank’s rose, moonflower, hybrid henryi clematis, sweet autumn clematis, perennial sweet pea vine (pictured above), star jasmine and  white japanese wisteria.

No matter if your loved one was your baby or your grandmother, white is soothing and comforting. Adding white blooms will contribute to the overall beauty of your memory garden for you and your loved ones.

Peace Love and Hugs

Diana

Just a Cloud Away, Inc.™ Journal

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Creating Residential Memory Gardens

When a loved one passes, the road to healing is usually a long and challenging one. When you feel the time is right, planting a memory garden can provide healing and remembrance as a tribute to a deceased loved one while providing you with a place in nature to feel a spiritual connection.

People generally send flowers and plants to funeral homes, which are symbolic of new life.   Tending to your memory garden with water and care for its survival can direct your energy towards nurturing the garden. With your care, beautiful blooms and new life will emerge.

Since, healing comes from within, a memory garden allows you time to feel your environment and accept life’s natural progression within the comfort of your own property.People are often more depressed during the winter months, days are shorter and darkness seems eternal.  This is the time that the earth needs to rest in order to produce an explosion of color, fragrance, and new life that comes with spring.

Here are some ideas to get you started

• Set aside uninterrupted time to think about your space 
• Make a list of characteristics of your loved one
• Write down a list of plants, bags of soil, mulch along with any other pieces you would need for your garden
• Think about the focal point; a monument, a cross constructed from wood, a marker, or memorial boulder for your loved ones name and date.

• You can work on your garden at any time once you have some basic materials
• When do you want most of the plants to bloom? (at the time of your loved one’s passing to lift your spirits)

 Location of the garden 

·        Sunny or Shady Spot 

·        Accessibility 

·        Exposure to the wind 

·        Will the garden be visible from your home? 

·        Can the garden be incorporated into existing landscape? 

·        How much time do you want to spend on maintenance? 

·        Do you want perennials or seasonal annuals? 

·        Could you relocate this garden to another house 

Getting Started 

·        Clean the site of weeds and debris 

·        Bring in rich soil (Your plants will live longer and have a better chance of surviving drought). 

·        Planting should take place in the early Spring or Fall 

·        Mulch should be at 3” depth 

·        Water, water water (Make sure to water at a depth of 1” every third day until roots have been established) 

Other options if you don’t have space for a garden, you can be creative and place plants on a deck, porch patio or balcony.  Be creative and place plants in something other then a planter.  Also, incorporating statuaries, memorabilia. 

·        pots 

·        cinderblocks 

·        bird bath 

·        bird house 

·        wagon 

·        kitchen pots and pans 

·        recycled boot 

·        watering can 

·        chair with the seat cut out for a planter 

In honoring a baby: 

 ·        Consider a small garden that incorporates blue, pink or white flowers. 

·        Use flowers that produce small flower heads like forget-me-nots, baby’s breath or crocus bulbs. 

·        What was the theme of the nursery? 

·        What were the baby’s favorite songs? 

·        What were your dreams for him/her? 

If honoring a golfer: 

·        Plant an area strictly of dwarf mondo grass, which represents golf green 

·        Create a sand trap using pea gravel 

If honoring a music lover: 

·        Wind chimes

·        Outdoor speakers

·        Rain chimes 

·        When planting grasses, the movement  of wind on the blades of grass create a beautiful sound 

If honoring a spouse 

·        Plant a rose garden 

·        Incorporate a wood structure for a climbing rose 

·        Plant shrub roses at the base 

·        Tree roses and miniature roses could be planted in pots. 

·        The perimeter of the garden could be in the shape of a heart 

  In honoring a boater/fishermen 

·        In an area of your garden, which is wet, place an old rusty anchor as a focal point. 

·        Plant water loving plants like yellow flag iris, red twig dogwoods, bald cypress or weeping willow trees. 

·        Incorporate large bounders for seating. 

  Some plants have specific meanings 

·        Forget-me-nots- memories 

·        Rosemary- remembrance 

·        Oak Tree- liberty 

·        Daisies- innocence 

·        Lily- purity 

·        Allspice shrub- compassion 

Some plants incorporate a word in their name.   

·        Royal star magnolias 

·        Star of Bethlehem bulbs 

·        Blue star ammonia 

Planting Pointers 

Remember not only are the blooms of ornamental value.  Plants and their leaves have unique shapes, color and touch. 

·        Eastern redbud trees and sweetheart ivy are heart shaped 

·        Sweet gum trees are star-shaped 

·        Ginkgo trees are fan shaped 

·        Leaf-lambs ear have a very soft texture 

·        Rosemary is fine and soft 

·        Yucca plant is very coarse 

·        Burning bush, nandina, barberry and burgundy are red plants 

·        Maple trees are yellow fall colored 

·        Basil, rosemary and thyme have fragrance to the touch. 

I hope these tips will point you in the right direction to start a garden of remembrance.

Peace Love and Hugs

Diana

Just a Cloud Away, Inc.™ Journal

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Poem for Pet Loss

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

Author unknown…

 

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Grieving Families Have Rights

If you are grieving a loss, there are certain rights Dr. Alan Wolfelt has documented.

 Though you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you.

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell what you should or should not be feeling.

 2. You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief.

 3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.

4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into things you don’t feel ready to do.

 5. You have the right to experience grief “attacks”. Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.

 6. You have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More important, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you that rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.

 7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.

 8. You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, “Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, “It was God’s will” or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.

 9. You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.

 10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.

Center For Loss & Life Transition

http://www.centerforloss.com

DrWolfelt@CenterForLoss.com

office 970-226-6050  mobile 970-217-7069

Thank you Dr Wolfelt and I know our community will benefit from your article helping those supporting bereaved families.

Peace Love and Hugs

Diana

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The Gift of Love Memorials

Give the Gift of “Love Memorials™” to Grieving Families.

 “Love Memorials™” are very personalized sympathy gifts given to comfort a person or family grieving the loss of a loved one. This gift comes straight from the heart without the possibility of duplication. A “Love Memorial™” can be sent immediately after the death, on death anniversaries, angelversaries, birthdays, the season, approximate pregnancy due dates or holidays. There is no timeline for a gift honoring a life.

 At least three people are involved in the creation of a “Love Memorial™”; the person grieving, the deceased person or pet and you. There are no rules to compose a “Love Memorial™”, only the depth of thought for its conception. When you take the time to understand the relationship of the bereaved individual and loved one passed, a precious and unique keepsake can be composed.

“Love Memorials™” can be a simple handmade card, remembrance ribbons , poems , journal entries, or scrapbook pages. Other forms of “Love Memorials™” are virtual memorials, memory gardens and drawings.

 A handmade card is a wonderful and considerate way to send a heartfelt “Love Memorial™”. The card located above was created for a couple who lost their daughter Abby at 22 weeks gestation due to miscarriage. The photograph of a golden sunrise, the yellow butterfly and lemony cloud the angel is resting on, symbolizes the gemstone citrine. Abby’s approximate due date was December second. Providing this kind of information is helpful when creating a card reflecting the color of her gemstone.

 If you have a talent for writing, compose a “Love Memorial™” in the form of a letter or poem. This type of gift would be highly treasured because of the amount of thought required for its creation. My girlfriend created a “Love Memorial™” for us after the stillbirth of our son Tanner. The poem is called, “If he could tell you…” and was read at our Memory Garden Dedication for Tanner. My girlfriend was also a new mother of a 3 month old when she composed this comforting poem that touched my heart. Her words also reflected a very real pain for her too.

 If you are creative and have either an organic or symmetrical style, try designing a “Love Memorial™” in the form of scrapbook pages . This “Love Memorial™” created from your perspective could comfort bereaved families while providing a memorial keepsake reflecting hope. My sister-in-law created a beautiful “Love Memorial™” for us honoring little Tanner. One could even create scrapbook pages from the perspective of child in heaven, reassuring the bereaved that they are doing just fine and love them deeply.

 Virtual memorials are another way to express your support for bereaved families. By working through the logistics and set up of an online memorial, unnecessary stress for grieving family members are alleviated. These “Love Memorials™” allow you to write short stories, poems or anything else about the deceased or those grieving the loss. Memorials can be personalized by background colors, music, and significant photos, making this online tribute unique.

Remembrance Videos are another option to create a unique memorial. Families usually have the video playing during the wake and funeral meals. This beautiful tribute will be treasured by hurting families.

 Typical sympathy gifts usually involve you and the individual grieving the loss, such as a sympathy card. Sending such gifts would be fine if it is distressing or uncomfortable to send a “Love Memorial™”. After some time passes, ideas and thoughts may be discovered helping to compose a “Love Memorial™” for your bereaved friend or family member. These types of sympathy gifts will be truly cherished because you haven taken time to think about their special relationship and the undying love within their hearts.

Peace Love and Hugs

Diana

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